I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
