i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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