so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
