I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
