I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
