am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
