put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
