Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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