proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
