Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
