i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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