Your tits are I can't wait for
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
tell me about the eggs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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