hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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