My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
