Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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