It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
