So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
