Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
