My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
