Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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