i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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