I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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