Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
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I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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