at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
