Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
