Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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