Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
