Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
