I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
