gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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