Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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