In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize