dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
