I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
