If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
