I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
