do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
