How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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