Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
