Quick, to the slutcave!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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