There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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