He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
