You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
