You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
