They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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