rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
