This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
time to smoke my breakfast
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
