well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
