Where did you get a picture of my penis
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
