It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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