He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
