I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
