Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
