I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
