Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
