my phone needs a breathalizer
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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