Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
