speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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