Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
