It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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