A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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