Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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