Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
