don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
