hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
