My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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