paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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