chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
