Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
