You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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