remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
