Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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