In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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