I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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