I've blown a few things in my day
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
