You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
