Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
