Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
