More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
