...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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