If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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