I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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