Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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