Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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