Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I intend to get homeless drunk
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So squirting runs in the family.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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