i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
