Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All the doctor said was why
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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