im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
