please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
