Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
