I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
