her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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