Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sober January is a disaster.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
